Posted by: Lazy Jack | March 25, 2010

Obama, Pelosi, and Reid Draw a Noble Line in the Tan

I just cannot get over the Excise Tax on Indoor Tanning. It makes the Healthcare Legislation feel, well, right with the universe.

Forget missile defense of our allies in Eastern Europe. Forget sanctions against a Persian Empire about to go nuclear. Forget Israel, we have done enough. Forget that our Constitution has been re-defined per “Pirates of the Caribbean,” and is now more a guideline than a rule. And, Al-who?

I say rejoice, for we now know what the bow-around-the-world tour was leading up to. Our President has just drawn his heroic line in the tan with the exceptional healthcare legislation just in time for summer.

I for one am delighted at this new legislation. We have finally struck a blow for freedom from tanning. The 10% excise tax on indoor tanning services that will take effect July 1, 2010 is our equivalent of the landing on the beaches of Normandy and a huge blow against the enemies of freedom. Not only will this bill provide healthcare for every human in the fifty, but it will do it for free and strike a blow against vitamin D as well. And the anti-tanning regiment, as just about the first part of the bill to go into effect, will be the vanguard of this newly beloved legislative overwrite of our liberties. I cannot imagine a better way to get started. Nice going, Democrats. Keep up the good work. I think you forgot to protect us from another threat, though. Where is the excise tax on poodle and Chihuahua grooming? I get queasy just looking at those poor animals after they’ve been sheared, scented and bowed. Taxing that into oblivion would surely help my health.

Lazy Jack



  1. As a Phoenician, I’m relieved to finally find one tax I won’t have to pay! Thank you, Lord, for the sunshine!

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